Facing the end
Jul. 17th, 2007 12:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mythtellerThis has been a post that I've been struggling with for days, weeks. It's been a struggle because I don't know where to start, although I know how it's going to end.
My father is dying of cancer at 64.
I look at these words and they make no sense to me.
My Dad's liver cancer is untreatable. His body is slowly shutting down as the cancer spreads. Because the treatments would be so painful, unpleasant, and useless at this stage, the family has agreed to simply let nature take it's course and make him as comfortable as possible.
I just spoke to my mum and asked her how much time my Dad has left. She said she wasn't sure, but it would probably be measured in days, maybe weeks. But she also said that Dad has accepted what is happening and is at peace with it. The staff at the Hotel Dieu are being wonderful with him; they make him laugh and in turn, he's making them laugh. Amazing.
I've never thought of my father as an old man. He retired in 1998 from Bell Canada, but has stayed relatively active since then. He's done some renovation work, mostly volunteer, some paid. He built a solarium extension to the house, he finished the renovations on the cottage. He and my mum travel 3 to 4 times a year (they just returned from Italy about a month ago). He had energy and enthusiasm and was making the most of his newly retired life.
When I went down to Quebec city to visit him a couple of weekends ago, I had never seen him so weak. He spent the two days shuffling from room to room, mostly sleeping. When he spoke, he had something in his voice I had never heard before. I almost couldn't recognize him. He sounded old. It was painful to see, painful to hear, tragic to watch him slip away from us like that.
My father is a good man and I have always admired him. Everything that is good about me comes from him and the example he set for me. He taught me about honor without ever using the word. He taught me about loyalty without ever pointing it out. He taught me the meaning of friendship, generosity, and that there is great value in being a good person, being compassionate, and being true to yourself.
He didn't sit me down and teach me these things formally; he taught me these things by living and by being true to himself. My father is a great man, not because he invented the wheel, climbed a mountain, or made a million dollars, but because he loved his family, his friends, and his children.
I can only aspire to be my father's son.
My father is dying of cancer at 64.
I look at these words and they make no sense to me.
My Dad's liver cancer is untreatable. His body is slowly shutting down as the cancer spreads. Because the treatments would be so painful, unpleasant, and useless at this stage, the family has agreed to simply let nature take it's course and make him as comfortable as possible.
I just spoke to my mum and asked her how much time my Dad has left. She said she wasn't sure, but it would probably be measured in days, maybe weeks. But she also said that Dad has accepted what is happening and is at peace with it. The staff at the Hotel Dieu are being wonderful with him; they make him laugh and in turn, he's making them laugh. Amazing.
I've never thought of my father as an old man. He retired in 1998 from Bell Canada, but has stayed relatively active since then. He's done some renovation work, mostly volunteer, some paid. He built a solarium extension to the house, he finished the renovations on the cottage. He and my mum travel 3 to 4 times a year (they just returned from Italy about a month ago). He had energy and enthusiasm and was making the most of his newly retired life.
When I went down to Quebec city to visit him a couple of weekends ago, I had never seen him so weak. He spent the two days shuffling from room to room, mostly sleeping. When he spoke, he had something in his voice I had never heard before. I almost couldn't recognize him. He sounded old. It was painful to see, painful to hear, tragic to watch him slip away from us like that.
My father is a good man and I have always admired him. Everything that is good about me comes from him and the example he set for me. He taught me about honor without ever using the word. He taught me about loyalty without ever pointing it out. He taught me the meaning of friendship, generosity, and that there is great value in being a good person, being compassionate, and being true to yourself.
He didn't sit me down and teach me these things formally; he taught me these things by living and by being true to himself. My father is a great man, not because he invented the wheel, climbed a mountain, or made a million dollars, but because he loved his family, his friends, and his children.
I can only aspire to be my father's son.
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no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 10:26 am (UTC)You and your family are in my thoughts. You have my deepest sympathies.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 10:44 am (UTC)My thoughts go out to you and your family
no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 11:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 11:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 12:48 pm (UTC)I've been where you are and know how difficult it can be.
Know that you are not alone.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 01:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 01:25 pm (UTC)You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 01:26 pm (UTC)I am always a phone call away if you need to talk.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 01:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 02:02 pm (UTC)Be thankful for this time to say goodbye. My father dropped dead one morning on the way to work. My last view of him was being carried out on a stretcher, barely able to mumble answers to the paramedics. I never got the chance to say goodbye, to tell him I loved him. I was barely 16, and I will regret that forever. Take the chance, tell him exactly how much he means to you. I can see how much it is in how you write, and how you are.
All my love, Hobbes.
Laurie
no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 02:30 pm (UTC)My thoughts and all my well-wishes are with you. If you need anything that I can provide, you have but to ask. I'm glad you at least have the opportunity to be with your father now, to spend time with him when time is at its most precious.
I'd like to echo everyone else's sentiment as well: you are indeed your father's son.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 03:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 06:09 pm (UTC)When you come back from Quebec City, and if you feel like it, we'll grab a pint and chat.
Elim
no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 06:42 pm (UTC)Hugs.
Les mots me manques...
Date: 2007-07-17 09:35 pm (UTC)Hobbes, j'ai beaucoup de chagrin pour toi et ta famille. C'est un moment difficile et je suis avec vous de tout mon coeur. Je ne sais pas ce que je deviendrais sans mon papa, il est aussi pour moi un exemple à suivre, une force de la nature. J'ai déjà perdu ma mère, différamment de toi mais je comprends comme toi et ta famille vous vous sentez. Tu as Sarah à tes cotés, j'espère qu'ensemble vous traverserez cette épreuves et que des eaux plus clémentes vous acceuillerons par la suite. J'espère que le passage de ton père se fera le plus délicatement possible et qu'il sera en paix. Je vous embrasse très fort ( hug) et je penses à vous et ta famille.
Gege de Québec
no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 10:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-17 11:18 pm (UTC)Hugs
Tammy & Michael
no subject
Date: 2007-07-18 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-18 02:41 am (UTC)*As many hugs as you need*
I'm here
Date: 2007-07-18 05:34 am (UTC)I am also helping my other half face his father's liver cancer. They can't treat his either and he made one of his last rounds over to WI on his Harley this weekend.
Was quite the time, but we also don't know how long he has either. He's trying to put on a strong front, but I can see through it. I keep his pain to myself so Robin (my husband) can keep his focus for a while longer.
Let me know if you need anything. Even if it's a listening ear. And we'll be in town in the beginning of August again as well.
-L
no subject
Date: 2007-07-18 03:46 pm (UTC)You are lucky and blessed man to have a father that made the person who you are today. Cherish the best in him and he will always be there for you.
My prays and strength go to you during this time.
Dimitrios Koulis
no subject
Date: 2007-07-18 07:04 pm (UTC)It will be very hard, but you will have friends and family around to help you.
Spend as much time with your Father as you can. Ask for a leave of absence if you can. Do whatever feels right for you when it feels right. You know that you only have this short time left with him, make the most of it.
My heart breaks for you.
Hugs
no subject
Date: 2007-07-18 10:01 pm (UTC)Mylene
Passing
Date: 2007-07-22 02:47 pm (UTC)Sending you warm, healing thoughts.
Taiga
no subject
Date: 2007-07-22 05:45 pm (UTC)