Who's your Alfred?

Here's a politically touchy subject. We all know that Bruce Wayne would've been dead on the table if it weren't for Alfred patching him up, making him sandwiches, and keeping the manor and the cave in fine working order. Alfred has never been Bruce's slave, has always been his partner, always been his equal.

If you had the funds, who would you want as your personal Alfred-like butler, your partner in crime. No, do not assume you dress in tights and save the city from evil. You're just you with unlimited funds, your life is the way you always dreamed it to be, and you employ the services of a butler or assistant to keep everything together. Who would it be?

If you must reach out to the fantasy world, go ahead. Try to avoid existing boyfriend/girlfriend/spouses. I would be more interested to hear you list someone you would personally know that you would love to have at your side as your Alfred.

Update:

As lunar_phoenix09  pointed out, I didn't answer my own question, so here it is:

• Fictional: Kato Fong: although he'd probably kill me the first time I came home.
• Fictional: Friar Tuck: philosopher and bouncer! And my quarter-staff skill would be l33t.
• Real Life: Tim Curry: He'd have to agree to keep the fishnet stockings hidden until Halloween.
• Real Life: Vin Diesel: Geek and badass. My coolness level would skyrocket.