Epiphanies

[mythteller]

Last week, I had two energy healers come to my class to give talks on Reiki and Therapeutic Touch. As Roo (the lovely and talented grrscary) demonstrated Reiki healing on one of my students, she asked the student if she had her shields up.

Many people have personal energy shields to protect themselves from being energetically drained or invaded. Ever sit by someone or have someone in your presence that just seems to drain the life out of you? They may not be doing anything overt, but there's just something about their presence that tires you out, leaving you exhausted or even ill. Other times, some people can have the opposite effect causing you to be coming agitated or even angry for no obvious reason. By learning personal shielding techniques, you can diminish or eliminate these effects.

In my case, I've got the perma-shield on. Nothing gets through it easily, although I can project energy easily enough. This usually means I that I have a more difficult time sensing energy or be affected by energetic healing. It's quite frustrating and I've long wondered where it comes from.

As I was chatting with the healers in my class, I mentionned the perma-shield and one of them said "It's a question of trust!" At first, I dismissed the comment because I trust these two people implicitly, but all at once, I was hit with a sudden ephipany on the nature and origin of my perma-shield.

Last year, I was seeing a therapist for a few months (over lingering depression issues). From those session, we realized that there are two beliefs stubbornly around in my noggin. They are as follows:

1. The world is out to get me.
2. I will always ultimately fail at whatever I attempt (especially if it's my idea) because the world is out to get me.

These are thoughts that are tied into several events from my childhood and adolescent years. They are not logical, I know that they are incorrect, I know intellectually that they are false. But on another level (maybe the emotional level), I can't shake these Truths. I want to let them go, but I can't imagine how.

So if I really believe that the world is out to get me, then I would need to be permanently shielded from whatever the world decides to hurl at me. Hence, the perma-shield.

Amazing. Now the question is: can I unlearn these two beliefs and what will happen to me if I do?

Comments

[milk-an-honey.livejournal.com]

I'm no expert from the energy perspective but my thoughts such as they are:

The first one is a bit of a tough one. The world is not out to get you, but the "me first" mentality that most of the world exhibits can be read that way easily enough. In many ways the world is out to get you, but it's not personal, you really just aren't that important. Much of the world is out to get what they can from whomever they can and you do need to protect yourself from that. That negativity aside there are many people who would help any way they could. Think about your own experience this week with the accident victims. You, personally, have many friends and they all want to help you any way they can. I think the way to unlearn the first belief is to open your eyes to the way people have accepted you and helped you already in your life. If you could see this you would realize that at least in part you have the wrong answer. As to much of the world, in many dealings it's wise to have shields.

The second belief is self-actualizing to a great degree. I know I won't sound very helpful here, once again, but much of what you attempt will fail. That's life, and the reason perseverance is so widely touted. However, believing it will always fail is the surest way to insure it will. If you think it will fail you will give up when it does. The trick to success is generally refusing to see failure as a permanent condition but rather as a building block to success.

I probably didn't help, but hope I may have said something thought provoking. I think you're a great guy and truly deserving of success. For what it's worth when I see what you're doing with your life I think you look like you've really got it together.

Wrong question(s)

[concordantnexus.livejournal.com]

Rephrase them.

How much will I get accomplished when I see the world as something that both helps and challenges me? &

Why I don't trust the world and by extension, myself?

----
For me, a crucial set of lessons was:
0. Learning to listen in on self-talk
1. Learning to notice negative self-talk
2. Learning to rephrase negative self-talk (acknowledge respectfully it else it squirms away - it is an unhappy part of you talking after all)
as something neutral or better yet positive
3. Learn to do this on an automatic basis

I also did a lot of magic, meditation and dreamwork to work on this issue.

Took me half a decade to get it down, but its worth it. Anything that deep and emotional takes a lot of work to root out.

{{hugs}}

[lunar-phoenix09.livejournal.com]

I think the first step is acknowledgement. Once you understand that you have the problem, you can then try to figure out why. Once the why is established, then comes the How to Fix part. One step at a time is key in my opinion. But I'm no one to talk. I'm currently dealing with my own scars. Everyone in some way is scarred and no matter who you'll meet there will always be emotionally scarring. I think (in my opinion) that it's how we choose to deal with it, or not deal with it, that defines us. You know who you are, and you know that there are trust issues there. Start with baby steps maybe. Start with meditating on your shield alone in a room, then maybe gradually bring in someone you love and trust implicitly and go from there. I myself am still working through the emotional scars I carry from childhood. But I know they're there, and am beginning to face them. I acknowledge them, and for today that is enough. Just for today... right Hobbes?

You are not alone. And you'll be fine if you lower it to right people. You will not lose yourself. Only the feeling of being unreachable will be lost. I have the utmost faith in you. You are my teacher, and I have learned so much from you in a short time. You already know the answers to your questions deep inside of you I'm sure. The only thing left is to realize it.

xoxo

[dragonmoone.livejournal.com]

Do you recognize that this is in fact fear of success?

If you're wildly successful then you have to live up to those committments. It's so much easier for US to sabotage ourselves.


Yeah, I said US. I'm the same. Exactly.
The universe is out to get me...

I've learned to recognize that this kind of self sabotage can be avoided by being clear with myself about my own expectations and capabilities.
AND learning to say NO to things...
At least I'm trying... it's a start.

Hugs
T

Unpopular

[marzanna.livejournal.com]

This is going to be very unpopular but hey...never much bothered me before ;) All the analyzing and over-analyzing is fine and dandy when you are twenty something but Hobbes, my love - my most annoying politically correct buddy? You are no longer twenty something.

How do you correct this? How do you correct sh*t that happened in the "ago?" You simply get over it. You grow up, you move on. So you have a shield up? Big freaking deal. It isn't a bad thing - it is a survival skill, my friend. It should ALWAYS be up.

Here is where you and I hold very different opinions - human beings are NOT inherently good, they are not instinctively nice. Forget the pseudo-psycho-babble darling and move on.

You are a good man - a little on the vanilla side but good men often are...you need that shield because the bad guys/gals are drawn to the good people out there. Keep it up. Forget analyzing crap from the past. You're fine the way you are - we all have battle scars - just let 'em heal and don't be picking at them.

Re: Unpopular

[jdhobbes.livejournal.com]

I don't want to take it down permanently, but I would like to have a choice, which right now, I don't. I'm not losing sleep over it, I'm not avoiding people because of it. I'm just recognizing stuff that needs improvement. I'm a work in progress and it's good to recognize what needs to be worked on so I can progress.

As for Vanilla, well... I keep my Rocky Road side hidden from most folks, but Vanilla serves me well. When I need it, I can always dip into the Caramel Explosion.

Gods... I'm fat. *grin*

Re: Unpopular

[(Anonymous)]

Vanilla comes in a variety of forms, Hobbes...I do hope we are on the same page ;)

Darlin' - don't be so eager to want to take shields down, even if you "wanna." Mine is up all the time and it is better that way; it is simply the smart thing to do.

We are all works in progress - just be careful not to spend too much time looking back - its hard to move forward when your vision is trained on what was...and not what is to be.

You aren't fat - you're robust - like a good port.

Re: Unpopular

[(Anonymous)]

Hello Hobbes, Alison here. I have an opinion on this topic and it does not require anyones approval for it is mine and only mine. I share it in the Spirit of helpfulness and caring.
I disagree with the last post in that I do not think it is healthy to keep the shields up ALL the time. You may be blocking negative energy but some negative energy is also part of life and our existance. Yes, the skill of shielding is useful but is not meant to be used permanently. To say "Yes the world is against us all and yes stay guarded always" to me is a glib answer.
One also needs to master the art of open-ness, to allow the good to suffuse your being. To feel yourself bewildered and overwhelmed with the wonder and joy and love that is also part of our existance. Allowing all that lLght to replace the Dark if only for a moment. When one shields (constantly), does not one also close oneself off to the possibilities of Positivity?
What I think you need to strive for is Balance. I think you are taking the correct steps through therapy and realization that you are in fact , out of balance.
The first step I took on my path toward Balance was accepting my life and its blessings. Instead of railing at the world for my problems and deficiencies and, yes, failures, I learned to feel gratitude for my blessings and lessons learned. It takes some doing by times, but it helps. A glib answer on this point would to have a Pollyanna say, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Well, in order to do that you need to be open to some sweetness to balance the effects of the sour. I realize I am mix metaphors and what have you. I am simply trying to illustrate my point that Balance is the key for feeling a deeper Harmony with the world around you and within you.
Hope this isn't considiered asinine claptrap from someone who views the world through rose colored glasses and hides from reality. It is wisdom I feel I have earned through the wild ride that is Life.
Blessings to you, Teacher Man, from one who wishes you only Wellness.
PS: nine out of ten gourmets choose vanilla over any other flavor because of its versatility and broader appeal. Check all other flavors out there and find that Vanilla is usually a component. Vanilla is safe? To that I say all else is the powder keg awaiting the spark that IS vanilla to bring it to its full potential.
Blessed be.